“I was petrified of him coming home and killing me.” For Emma Armstrong, a survivor of domestic abuse, football went from an enjoyable pastime and hobby to something that even 11 years on has left its scars.
Emma went from a season-ticket holder at a Premier League club to someone who actively avoids the game and tries to distance herself from it because of the association between football and what she experienced.
Football is unavoidable, especially when England are in a major tournament, and it has a lasting impact far beyond the reaches of whether Gareth Southgate’s 26-man squad succeed or fail.
Solace Women’s Aid cites a document released in 2013, stating reports of domestic abuse rise by 38 per cent when England men’s team loses at a major tournament. While researchers at Warwick Business School discovered in 2022 abuse and violence by partners increased by 47 per cent on the day England won a World Cup or European Championship match.
I Choose Freedom, the charity Emma is now a CEO of, has seen a rise in referrals since the start of the Euros from 29 in the two weeks leading up to the 14 June, to 43 in the first two weeks of the tournament. Football is not a cause of domestic abuse, but for far too many, it is a catalyst.
“He was a big Fulham and England fan and he basically used it as another excuse,” Emma told The Independent.
“So every time a football match was on, it was an excuse for him to go to the pub, it was an excuse for him to get drunk. He was heavily into drugs, so it was an excuse, and it would always result in an incident.
“Whether they’d won or whether they’d lost, it was just another reason for him to say, ‘That’s why I behaved…
“It was more I’d say when they lost, but still even if the team had won, I would feel very on edge around the football season.”
Emma grew up as a season ticket holder, attending matches with her family, but her experience with her ex has left a mark.
“When I met my ex and the link with football was so apparent that I just became scared of it,” she explained.
“So now I don’t follow any football, my fiance is not into football and if I’m being honest I don’t think I ever would have got with somebody who had a big interest in football because it’s just left me scarred and for me it was just filled with fear, and fear of what mood he was going to come home in, and just walking on eggshells.”
The abuse Emma suffered was not just around football. Her former partner kicked her car three months into their relationship because he did not want her to go out with friends and the coercive control escalated from there. She was subject to all kinds of abuse and controlling behaviour for two years, including real and threatened suicide attempts, and it came to an end when he took his own life, although she continued to be harassed by his family and friends for years afterwards.
But the Euros have led to the re-emergence of old feelings for Emma, as flags, adverts and media coverage have made the tournament, and the sport unavoidable.
“They say football is coming home, but for me, all I see is the Women’s Aid message around ‘He’s coming home’ and it is literally that fear of hearing the key turn in the door,” Emma said.
“Even thinking about it now, it still makes the hair on my arms stand up and I still feel really tense.
“I’ve really suffered the last couple of weeks with nightmares again, which I’ve not had for a while now. I had PTSD at the time and really suffered with flashbacks and nightmares, but hearing the football on (brings it back).
“Even sitting on the house the other night, me and my fiancé were sitting on the sofa watching something and I could hear the neighbours all celebrating the England cheers, and even that made me feel like, oh god. And I just thought, it might be happy now, but the next time England do lose or they don’t win, or another team goes out, a woman is just going to be left feeling paralysed and exactly how I felt.”
Emma is far from alone in her experiences. While there is not enough research done to know the number of women who suffer, and who suffer related to football. It is significant.
Emily another domestic abuse survivor, told The Independent that she wants to see the England football team take a stand against domestic abuse and raise awareness about the fates women across the country suffer.
“I’m a football fan myself,” she explained, adding: “So this campaign that Solace is doing isn’t about all football fans are abusive and anyone who’s a survivor hates football.
“I enjoy football myself and following England. It’s about raising awareness about the fact that there is a link with football and there is an increase (of domestic abuse).
“It’s a regular occurrence for a lot of people who are with abusers who watch football.”
Emily has concerns over the misogynistic culture and the language surrounding football that she feels can legitimise words and actions against women.
“Football is a high stakes game for a lot of people, not just when England is on,” she said.
“The thing is when the football is on they (some men) do not manage or regulate their emotions.
“What football can do is take those heightened feelings that all people might feel and if someone is abusive it can give rise to abuse because an abusive person will always take it too far. Sometimes they will need someone in the room they can take their anger out on and make that person a scapegoat.”
I Choose Freedom has had a number of comments from clients contacting their services since the start of the European Championship.
“I would never sit in the room if he was watching football, I like football, but he made me feel nervous around him that he could lose his temper,” an anonymous woman said.
“Got worse if there was an important match. If he was watching he wanted everyone out of the room and not to be interrupted. He didn’t have a favourite team, he was watching because he gambled. If he lost the bet he would blame me and take it out on me,” another anonymous survivor told the organisation.
The link between football and domestic abuse is evident, and both survivors who spoke to The Independent called on the Football Association and the England players themselves to take action and raise awareness about something that affects women across the country. Especially when the stakes are high, and they will never be higher than when England take on Spain in the Euro 2024 final in Berlin on Sunday.
:: The national domestic abuse helpline offers support for women on 0808 2000 247, or you can visit the Refuge website
Women’s Aid also runs a helpline and a local director for local support, and can be found on helpline@womensaid.org.uk
If you are experiencing feelings of distress, or are struggling to cope, you can speak to the Samaritans, in confidence, on 116 123 (UK and ROI), email jo@samaritans.org, or visit the Samaritans website to find details of your nearest branch