Logan was never interested in dating girls.
But it took him a while to realise why.
“One night in my room when I was really thinking about it, the realisation hit,” he said.
Logan said he was scared to come out because of how others might respond.
But the positive reaction of his best friend, who was understanding and made him “feel seen”, gave Logan the confidence to tell more friends and family.
“As I told more of my friends, I started to feel more like myself,” he said.
The conversation he was most nervous about was the one with his dad.
“His response was as simple as, ‘Aw mate, it doesn’t change a thing’, and gave me a big hug,” he said.
“His acceptance changed everything.”
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Like Logan, Jax’s experience of coming out in a regional town was a positive one.
“It might sound tough living as a queer non-binary teen in regional Australia,” Jax said.
“[But] Since [coming out] my friends and family have supported me for who I am.”
Creating a safe space for young queers
While Jax’s coming out experience was a positive one, they said they were acutely aware that many other young LGBTQIA+ people weren’t so lucky.
It was the reason Jax decided to create a safe space for other young queer people in their community of Lismore, in northern NSW.
“I sometimes feel guilty hearing the stories of my friends who struggle to be themselves in our community,” Jax said.
“I want to recreate what it feels like to have a supportive family, just like I have.”
Jax is in the process of launching Lovemore Queers — a youth-led social space for LGBTQIA+ young people in Lismore.
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“I want young queers to feel safe and free when they step inside,” they said.
“A space where you can just sit, and be.”
Creating connection and belonging
Alex Torney, the general manager of Northern Rivers’ peak LGBTQIA+ community group Tropical Fruits, said Jax’s initiative builds on a successful tradition of community-led support.
Mx Torney said the work Tropical Fruits had done to foster queer inclusion and community in the region over the past 36 years, had resulted in one of the highest per capita queer populations outside the capital cities.
“Lovemore Queers fills a gap that Tropical Fruits doesn’t have the capacity to fulfil, by creating a peer-to-peer support for young queer people growing up in our community,” they said.
“We see Jax at community events constantly, their dedication to the queer arts community is outstanding and we’re very proud that they’re part of this community.”
Mx Torney said coming out could be incredibly challenging … and it’s not a one-off situation.
They said it was a continuous process throughout life, with every new person you meet, every job you apply for and every potential partner.
“The importance of having safe supportive peers cannot be overstated,” Mx Torney said.
“Often the peers around you are the only people in your life who understand the pressure of continually having to explain and justify your identity.
“This kind of support network is undoubtedly the most important asset in helping queer people maintain their mental health.”
Coming out still hard, despite progress
While Logan and Jax said they had positive experiences coming out, not every young person is as lucky.
Only 57 per cent of young people aged 14 to 21 felt their families were supportive when they disclosed their sexuality or gender identity.
The finding was part of research undertaken by La Trobe University and the Australian Research Centre in Sex, Health and Society, which surveyed more than 6,000 young LGBTQIA+ people in Australia for the ‘Writing Themselves In 4’ national report.
The report found friends were more supportive of young people coming out than family members were, with 88 per cent of respondents saying their friends were supportive.
However, schools fared poorly, with almost two-thirds of young people saying they did not feel supported by classmates when they disclosed their sexual or gender identity.
Jade Barber, a senior practitioner at Queerspace, a health and wellbeing support service in Melbourne, said while this young generation was generally more accepting than previous ones, discrimination and homophobia were still prevalent.
“I think that there are still some really pervasive narratives, ones that are passed onto young people from their families and parents and the media,” she said.
“I also think that there are a lot of schools who aren’t really doing much to show that being queer is OK and [to provide that] education and guidance.”
Ms Barber said factors such as geography, education and cultural backgrounds also had a big effect on how accepting and supportive families and communities were of young people coming out.
In regional and rural areas, she said there could sometimes be a fear that “word travels fast” and “suddenly the whole town is going to know”.
This was a fear of Eliott’s that was shared in his Heywire winning story about coming out in the small regional town of Birchip in Victoria, which has a population of just 700.
Ms Barber said coming out could be even more complex for queer or trans people of colour or from culturally diverse backgrounds.
“We see that that group has a much higher likelihood of not being able to safely come out,” she said.
“The reasons that they give do come down to family values and the way that the culture understands diverse gender and sexuality, the expectations to conform to the family unit, and also religious beliefs.
“They come and attend our groups to have that safe space where they can be themselves.”
Family reaction crucial to wellbeing
Jain Moralee, the CEO of youth LGBTQIA+ support organisation Twenty10, said a negative coming out experience could have significant repercussions.
She said while everyone’s journey was unique, a negative experience could lead to a young person withdrawing from important networks like school, family and friends.
It could also lead to social isolation and poor mental health.
“When a young person does experience, particularly family rejection, it can lead to instances of homelessness or insecure housing,” Ms Moralee said.
“If they don’t feel safe in their school environment, it can have an impact on their educational journey and opportunities.
“And if they don’t feel safe and affirmed in their friend environment, they’re not getting that really important nourishing social support that comes from connecting with friends.”
On the flip-side, Ms Moralee said a positive coming out experience could be incredibly affirming for young people.
“It can make them feel safe and seen and understood,” she said.
“Like they’ve got someone who they can share this really personal and private information with that is potentially so life changing for them.”
Ms Moralee said it could also help build a young person’s confidence, identity and place in their community.
The flow-on effects could include things like staying in school, feeling confident and safe in their family unit, and staying connected to friends.
“It can make such a big difference to a young person to have a positive coming out experience,” she said.
For more stories from Lismore’s youth visit Takeover Lismore.