Tonight at 6:45 PM EST, the Barstool New York rec league basketball team will be meeting up with the Kirk Minihane Show rec league basketball team in Berlin, Connecticut for what is the surely the biggest basketball game in the history of Barstool Sports…
Except for maybe that time Dave and Big Cat played in the Big 3 with Dahntay Jones.
Or when Loud Sean played 1-on-1 vs a former Barstool employee
And I guess any basketball game that Dave or Big Cat has ever bet on probably affected the company more so than tonight’s Barstool New York vs Team KMS game will. But still…tonight there will be a basketball game in Connecticut. It will be live streamed on Twitter, Rumble, YouTube, ESPN+, etc.
The Barstool New York team has played 2 seasons in a random NYC rec league. Their record is well over .500, and they’ve made the playoffs both seasons (however they’ve lost in the first round both times). They have a few guys who actually know how to play basketball, and a few more guys who are at least not massive liabilities every time they step onto the court.
Kirk’s team is horrible. They’re still in the midst of their first season. They are yet to win a game. Kirk is good. There’s another guy who is good. And then things fall off a cliff. I personally play for the New York team, so I’m naturally a little biased. But if we don’t win by at least double digits it will be a huge embarrassment. There’s a lot Stoolies out there who would love nothing more than to see the New York office shut down in it’s entirety. I’d rather not see that happen. But if we somehow lose to KMS tonight, I might be forced to start agreeing with you. Shoutout Shark Minihane for handicapping the game.
But that’s not the point of this blog. If you’ve been following Kirk’s team at all on Twitter, then you know that by far and away the biggest storyline centers around one particular player. Kirk’s producer Jack Coleman (i.e. Coleman).
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When I watch Coleman play basketball, I want to say something extreme like, “This man is the worst basketball player of all-time”. But that would be unfair to Coleman. There are paralyzed quadriplegics out there. Coleman would put any paralyzed quadriplegic in a blender. Honestly, he could even take non-paralyzed quadriplegics. Coleman would dominate any person without limbs on a basketball court. There’s also terminal cancer patients. Blind people. People over 100 years old. Infant babies. He would work them all. So to call him the “worst of all-time” is bullshit.
I’m honestly having a hard time coming up with the words to describe him. When I watch him play I experience multiple different of emotions. First I laugh. To watch a man miss his intended target time and time again is objectively hilarious. Then I get mad. It’s fucked up that a person who seemingly has full control of his body parts to be this horrible at shooting at basketball. Then I start to question whether or not this whole thing isn’t some sort of bit. Is Coleman playing all of us for the sake of clicks? Coleman’s shooting is so bad that it doesn’t even make sense. If Frank The Tank, or Tommy Smokes went out there and started missing shots as badly as Coleman does, that would make sense. They’re clearly not basketball players. But Coleman is a somewhat coordinated person. Just take a look at this old video that some psychopath on the internet dug up of Coleman playing basketball with his pals back in the day.
If you eliminate the shooting, he actually looks like he can play a little ball. Watch the way he drives to the basket at 15 seconds. The way he holds the ball high away from his defenders reach on his way to the rim. Watch the way he receives the ball in the paint at 22 seconds and makes a nice pump fake to get his defender in the air before he puts up his wildly errant layup. After that he takes a nice little short range fadeaway that looks surprisingly competent (until the ball leaves his hands). There’s just no way a person who can do those things should be missing shots that badly. He has to be faking this right? How is it possible for his shooting to be that bad? But then I see videos like this…
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How the fuck is that possible? The man went over 5 minutes without making a free throw. Do you know how hard that is? I don’t think there’s a single person at Barstool, Tommy and Frank included, who couldn’t make a shot quicker than Coleman. Is he simply experiencing the most massive case of the yips in the history of yips? I have no idea. I’ll probably go to my grave wondering if Coleman is pranking all of us with his horrific shooting.
Anyways… the game tonight is streaming at 6:45 PM EST. See for yourself whether or not you think Coleman is really that bad at basketball. Also he says he’s going to break Dana Beers jaw. Fingers crossed he tries to do it.