He was once the unverified Virat Kohli of Pakistan cricket. Now Ahmed Shehzad, 32, is an angsty, bitter television expert. He has a stage presence and his tone is theatrical. A film critic would add that he is prone to hamming too. Pakistan’s T20 World Cup defeats to USA and India brings out the ‘over-actor’ in him.
Referring to a chit with numbers, he is having a go at the much-maligned captain Babar Azam. “In big tournaments he has an average of 27, strike rate of 112. He is third in the world when it comes to runs scored in defeats. He has 1400 runs,” he says, raising his voice. Then in disdain, he chucks in air the piece of paper that has Babar’s dire numbers.
The show isn’t over. He stares at the chit on the ground with fury to end his long rant: “Kaunsa King Babar hai yeh … What’s the use of a king who doesn’t score runs”. The monologue has cast a spell over the studio audiences. They get up and clap. If this was a movie hall, they would have showered coins.
He isn’t the only Pakistan cricket pundit on TV, or on social media, in danger of having a burst nerve or a blocked artery by the end of this ICC event. Tempers are at an all time high and voices are being raised regularly.
Basit Ali, labelled the Next Javed Miandad in early 90s, is livid on his youtube channel after the Pak SNAFU against India. He isn’t feeling well, he says, but that doesn’t stop him from calling Mohammad Rizwan “third class.” He makes the cooing sound – the one parents make to get the attention of toddlers – to say how India treated Pakistan like bachhas. He also utters a casteist remark that doesn’t deserve a repetition here.
Shockingly, he isn’t the worst. Youtubers, alleged journalists – some operating from their bedroom desktops with children squealing in background, others from a balcony that has swaying neem trees in the background – use far more filthy language. Babar on one such channel goes by the untranslatable pseudonym Ghante ka King.
Welcome to Pakistan’s no-holds-barred new media where everything is allowed. Sociologists are likely to see this as the anger of a failed nation struggling to come to terms with the reality of losing at cricket – the trusted distraction that gave them pride and joy. But there is much more than meets the eye of armchair psycho-analysts.
Outrage Inc. has emerged as a highly successful business model in the world ruled by clicks, eye-balls and pageviews. The lynch mob reaction to sporting setbacks is the guiding principle of such enterprises. It is the all-purpose tool in their kit. Stoking a spark into a raging fire happens to be the KRA of their workers. The Pakistan fans inclined to smash their television sets after a loss are their trusted clients. They are the voice of the unhinged shrill cricket fans, and these days there are many.
Of late, these ‘Nafrat ki dukaans‘ – turning on its head the phrase heard so frequently during the Indian elections – have got an army of new subscribers from India. Who can resist a peek from behind the curtains to catch a bitter family fight next doors? Comments sections of these vitriolic shows tell the story of India succumbing to the vicarious pleasure of watching the plight of their arch rivals from their safe vantage point.
But then the house never loses – the Indian interest is making these Pakistan outlets win the like, share, subscribe battle. Their cricketers might be losing but the youtubers are winning. To cater to the new customers from the other side of the fence, the Pakistan shows are kind to Indian cricketers. Rohit Sharma & Co don’t suffer the same toxic scrutiny that Babar & Co are put through. So what did they say about Rohit and Virat Kohli’s lack of runs in the first two games of this T20 World Cup? “They don’t believe in scoring against lesser teams, they will score later in the tournament,” says a youtuber on the show.
From the US, Pakistan cricket’s high priest Wasim Akram, too has spoken. He wants the entire team to be sent home. He ridicules Iftikhar Ahmed for failing to connect his leg-side shots. “Abbe pundhra saal se khel raha hai, toh kuch strokes off stump waale bhi seekh le. (Hey, you have been playing for 15 years, try a few off-side strokes),” he says. Mohammad Rizwan is pillioried for shot selection, Babar for his captaincy.
Akram is furious, he knows that he could end up saying what he shouldn’t. He says he doesn’t care if his comments go viral and continues his tongue-lashing. “They don’t talk to each other, they don’t get along. This is shameful, enough is enough. They need to go.”
Maybe, it is but didn’t Akram play his cricket in the murky match-fixing 90s? Wasn’t that the most shockingly shameful period for Pakistan cricket? Hasn’t he led Pakistan teams where communication has collapsed? Babar’s team has been disappointing but wasn’t Pakistan’s toxic anger an unwanted overreaction? Akram says he doesn’t care about his comments going viral but for the Outrage Inc. it is all that matters.
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