It can’t be certain if Gareth Southgate owns a set of golf clubs, but if he does there is a good chance they have iron covers on them.
At least that is the view of a number of golf fans following England’s third lethargic display in a row at Euro 2024.
There’s also a rumour going round that Southgate used to carry a ball marker with Kalvin Phillips’ face on.
But he’s lost it, and said it can’t be replaced.
Southgate’s side limped to the top of Group C with five points against Serbia (1-0), Denmark (1-1) and Slovenia (0-0).
Yes, just two goals in what was without question the easiest group of Euro 2024 for pre-tournament favourites England.
The latest bore draw on Tuesday night sent many English sports fans over the edge as Southgate put on a tactical masterclass in how to suck the life out of some of the best footballers in the world.
With all the attacking Premier League prowess available, and even La Liga superstar Jude Bellingham, for some reason or another Southgate has wanted to continue to apply the handbrake and play things safe.
Fair enough against France, Portugal and Germany, but not Serbia, Denmark and Slovenia.
Scroll below to check out some of the imagined scenarios in which Southgate could apply such a handbrake outside of his reported £5m-a-year job…
Look, it could be a prudent play come the end of the tournament, especially given they have avoided the same half as France, Portugal, Spain and Germany, but England fans want to see goals and much more of an attacking threat going forwards.
Particularly those that have spent half their annual salary travelling over to Germany to watch them.
But back to the top of the story.
It should be added for legal reasons, the various social media disagraces you see outlined below are imagined scenarios in which Southgate could play things safe outside of his job as the highest-paid manager at Euro 2024.
Three crackers on social media included:
‘Gareth Southgate gets planning permission to build sancastles’
‘Gareth Southgate wears a seatbelt when he sits on the toilet’
‘Gareth Southgate wears helmet on his peloton’
Then there were some hilarious golf ones, too.
Here’s a little selection, starting with our favourite:
Ah yes, the magnetic golf ball marker. Very safe.
Got any better ones?
Let us know on our social media channels – @GolfMagic