It’s not often that a policing documentary looks like something produced by a natural history unit. But this happened in Football Cops (Channel 4) when an officer stood outside a pub in Coventry as home fans mustered before a game. For the camera he described the fans’ established patterns of behaviour as if observing group dynamics among a troop of sub-Saharan chimpanzees.
The difference is that the police have to manage the movement of these young primates. Sunderland were the visitors, and the two clubs have a weird enmity that goes back to 1977. Do Google the particulars. The point is that every time they meet, it could all kick off. And this time it very nearly did.
The football cops profiled here represent the thin high-vis line between anarchy and mere rowdiness in Britain’s streets on match days. Every club has its own Dedicated Football Officer who goes to all games and, meeting twice a season, they get quite chummy. For Coventry City it’s Stu Spencer, also known as “Cardio” owing to a heart attack he once had. Ipswich Town have Ian Roland, aka Roly. Manchester City have Matt Hawtin, who has been spared the nickname of “Haughty”.
They are charming, peaceable blokes doing a thankless job. Cardio loves it. “It’s only the best job,” he mused, “if you’re interested in policing and football, I suppose.”
Whenever you hear how much it costs to police football matches, here’s why. To shepherd a particular group of lairy Liverpool fans away from City’s Etihad Stadium and onto the train, it took aerial surveillance, constant comms and massive numbers to kettle them while some City fans passed.
Policing the match itself is a relative doddle. The worst that happened in this first episode found a Coventry fan invading the pitch with an illegal flare, whose blue smoke announced a gender reveal of his unborn child. Cardio rolled his eyes at the idiocy. The expectant dad got a four-year ban.
There are no bespoke cops for cricket or rugby because its followers don’t go in for tribal antagonism and pre-arranged punch-ups. That football alone attracts puerile delinquents is hardly news, and yet this series is a genuine eye-opener.