Friends are great. They listen to your gripes, share meals with you, review risky texts before you send them and generally make life more bearable.
They may also help you live longer. According to the American Psychological Association, people who have close friends and confidants are “more satisfied with their lives and less likely to suffer from depression” and are also “less likely to die from all causes, including heart problems and a range of chronic diseases”.
So we asked Guardian readers to tell us about their best friends: the pals who have been with them through the good, the bad, the boring … and the haircuts.
‘She really is my soulmate’
It was the first day for me in a new junior high school. Ninth grade. I was so nervous. I was sitting close to the front of the class and suddenly there was a tap on my shoulder. I turned and a person slid me a note. It was from a girl three desks behind me and it said: “Will you be my friend?” It had boxes that said “yes” or “no” and a drawing of a penis. Of course I accepted, and from that day, we have been best friends.
Lora is so loving and caring. We had a weekend getaway for the 30th anniversary of our friendship. We talk all the time and try to do something special every month, but sometimes life gets in the way. She posts little love notes on my Facebook page, and I do, too. Sometimes we send cards in the mail, or just a little text saying: “I love you.” She really is my soulmate and I would do anything for her. Teresa, 56, Washington
‘The support and love only a bromance can give’
My cousin introduced me to Tony when I was going through a tough breakup and needed someone nearby with similar interests – clubbing, music, video games. In time, our roles reversed, and he needed the support and love only a bromance can give. We house-shared for a decade. We learned to cook properly and take care of a household. We enjoyed adventures and relationships with the knowledge that someone had your back completely, and that you could talk and express emotions without judgment.
My favorite thing about Tony is his unwavering support and joy at seeing me do well in life. It’s a mutual love and respect, a shared journey of growth and love. We talk often and meet up for weekend camping or an AirBnb whenever life allows for music, beers and a good chinwag. Mike, 46, London
‘We record each other a voicemail every day’
I come from Hong Kong and moved back there after university. I had recently picked up the bass guitar and was on the lookout for a band. I mentioned it to some girls I met at a party, and although they didn’t play any instruments, they all agreed to join my band, which we called the Shotgun Sheras. They’re all incredible women who I’m still in contact with, but Meg (my guitarist) and I have only become closer over the 20+ years we’ve known each other, despite multiple international moves and five kids between us.
When my mum was diagnosed with cancer early in the pandemic, Meg made it her mission to support me. My mum passed away only a few weeks later, and Meg started recording me a voicemail every day. Since then, we have recorded each other a voicemail every day, often up to 20 minutes long. There is no one else in my life who knows everything that happens to me in a day, except my husband. She is here for all of it – the sad, the hilarious, the mundane. I look forward to hearing her voice every day. Claire, 44, Canada
‘We were the two people on campus who loved the Clash’
One week into freshman year of college, a girl passed me a note saying: “Vacuum cleaner sucks up budgie.” We were the two people on campus who loved the Clash. We fell into friendship like falling in love. We changed rooms so we could be roommates, and often paced the room together, listening to her red Walkman with two headphone jacks.
Stephanie died of cancer in 2022. My heart is still broken. As she left this life, I told her: “You’re not only the best friend I’ve ever had, you’re the best friend anyone could ever have.” Laura, 59, New York
‘I’m not afraid to expose my uglier sides with her’
I’ve always struggled to find a friend I could rely on, who really “got” me. Ali taught my children and I taught hers. I had assumed she already had 1,000 friends and didn’t want any more. I was going through a separation and she was such a support to me.
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My favorite things about Ali are her honesty, kindness and vulnerability. She’s not afraid to be herself with me, flaws and all, and I’m not afraid to expose my uglier sides with her – depression, jealousy, anger. But we celebrate each other, too, and we always help each other see the good stuff, even when we’re at rock bottom. We’ve stayed close by checking in on each other often and laughing a lot. I know Ali has a lot of other friends, and I have had anxiety in the past about not having someone “just” for me, but she’s such a great mate when we are together that it doesn’t matter. I just love her. Sarah, 54, London
‘We had the same smutty taste and style’
I met my best friend online, but not on a site I would have ever expected. On AO3, the biggest fan fiction website, I found smutty works by an author who seemed to have the exact taste and style I did. I started leaving appreciative comments on their work, and they answered. We started chatting on Discord. It turned out she was the same age as me, and despite living in different countries, we had endless things in common. We joke that we’re twins born a month apart to different mothers.
She’s endlessly creative and always makes me laugh. I love the way her mind works. We built up a strong friendship by writing and publishing shared smutty work. We’re great at collaborating because we’re always on the same wavelength. Anonymous
‘We went through nasty divorces at the same time’
I met Dave when we were working together at the same company. He was a sales guy and I was his sales support person, doing product demos. He left the company and we weren’t in touch for a few years. When I took a contract in Philly, I remembered that he lived there and got back in touch. I was going through a nasty divorce and so was he – we had almost exactly the same story to tell. We bonded, then played a lot of squash and tennis together. I continued on the contract and saw him and his new wife and their daughters regularly.
We’re still in regular contact by phone and I visit when I can. We’ve known each other for 23 years now. We’ve both been through ups and downs, but always been in touch. Greg, 56, Connecticut
‘She had a really cool fringe so I got one, too’
I met Tina at my last agency job a few years ago. It was love at first sight. I just had a feeling. I asked her out for lunch, and then we were inseparable. I admit I was a bit infatuated – she had this really cool fringe so I got one, too, and she didn’t think I was a creep.
Tina is the realest person I know. She’s not trying to be anyone else or impress anyone. While we no longer work together, we message every day. My favorite thing is to make her laugh. She has this incredible laugh – it shakes a place to its bones. I’d die for that laugh. Ines, 46, New Zealand
‘I chose them and they chose me’
They are great listeners. They are always there, no matter what. I can cry with them, laugh with them and tell them about my stupidest decisions knowing they won’t love me any less. I don’t like to call them a family, nor a home. They are more precious. I chose them and they chose me.
I love Doha. I love when she gets a little drunk and lets go of her seriousness. I hope she knows how interesting and lovely she is to be around. I love Naila. She is one of the most inspiring people I’ve ever met. Haneen is like me in so many ways. Maybe that’s why we misunderstand each other sometimes. I never stopped loving her for a moment, even when we weren’t talking. Majdouline, 31, Lebanon